


April 15th

by bckeybarnes



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Character Death, Count Down, Dates, Dates until Death, Female Reader, Hanahaki Disease, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Poor Reader, Protective Mama, Protective Steve Rogers, Protective Tony Stark, Reader is Hurting, Reader is dying, This hurts, Yellow Carnation Flower, bucky barnes is an asshole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-07
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-09-13 08:16:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16888929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bckeybarnes/pseuds/bckeybarnes
Summary: For you, watching the one you love be happy with someone else was fine. At first. Then the yellow carnations started to grow in your lungs and suddenly, you couldn’t breathe anymore. This is a short story of the disease killing you in chronological order.orA sad one-shot of a onesided love nobody asked for.





	April 15th

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: throwing up, blood, one-sided love, swearing, Hanahaki disease, angst, please be warned, there is death, slight thoughts of suicide (not really, it’s more of the reader being tired of living), sad avengers, reader’s mom is sad.
> 
> PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHILE READING THIS! THIS WAS MADE WHILE I WAS IN A BAD PLACE, THIS IS PAINFULLY SAD. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
> 
> This is angsty but probs not as angsty as it should be but THIS WAS MY FIRST TIME DOING THIS IM SORRY. it’s sad as fuck and it hurts me.

> ##  August 2nd

It was a good, normal day for you. You made yourself a nice cup of coffee, took a well-deserved bath, and updated not only your Twitter but also your Instagram.

But then you threw up.

And it wasn’t so good anymore.

You’ve already made the mistake of having Steve and Tony find out after you had mistakenly forgotten to clean up the blood and petals in your kitchen sink, you were not okay with having the rest of the team know.

While Tony understood your reasons as to not tell the man you loved, Steve was outraged with the idea of just letting yourself die slowly and painfully.

“It’s my choice, Steve,” You said and Steve shook his head, his eyes glistening in the light as he turned to look at you.

“Please, Y/n, you won’t only be hurting yourself but also the team. You have to tell him.” You looked down at your hands as you sat back on the couch.

“I can’t do that to him, Steve. He loves Nat, not me. It wouldn’t make a difference.” You said with a small weak smile. Tony just sighed and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into his side. You let out a soft sob at the thought of them being together, and that erupted into a violent coughing attack. Steve immediately stood up and grabbed a tissue, knowing you’d need it for your bloody petals.

“It’s okay, kiddo. We’ll get through this together. We got you. Don’t we, Steve?” Tony looked over at Steve, who was once again sitting on the chair across from you and Tony, with a ‘tell her we got her’ look.

“Y-yeah,” Steve hesitated and you bit your lip, trying not to cough again. Tony noticed and patted your back gently with his hand.

“You can cough, Y/n, it’s alright.” His tone was so soft it made you cry harder as you let out a rough cough. The yellow carnation petals surrounded in blood sat in your hands once your coughing episode ceased.

“I’m sorry you guys have to deal with me.” You murmured and Steve let out a cry of his own. Your eyes snapped up and over to meet his but before you could say anything to him, he threw himself towards you, arms wrapping around your body.

“Don’t you ever apologize for somethin’ you c-can’t control, doll.” He said and buried his face in your neck. You looked over at Tony as you gently ran your fingers through Steve’s hair. Tony nodded and pressed his lips to your forehead.

“Like I said, we’ve got you, kid. You just gotta trust us.”

_And you did._

* * *

October 23rd

Your teeth were chattering and your body was vibrating in excitement as you stared at Wanda and Sam with wide eyes.

“Can I really?” You asked as you gave them a smile if you could even call it that, as your teeth were chattering too much. Wanda just laughed at you while Sam ruffled your hair.

“Go for it, we brought you here because Tony said you had to get out for some fresh air. And we needed some too.” Sam said and you grinned, turning to stare at the empty race track.

“With Nat and Bucky being an open couple now, it’s hard to look at them the same now that we’ve all heard them fucking in their room,” Wanda said and your eyes went wide in shock. Grief soon filled your e/c orbs, your body no longer vibrating in excitement.

“Langage, Wanda.” Sam scolded playfully but no one laughed. Wanda was too focused on your facial expressions. Sam looked at your face and raised an eyebrow at the sudden mood change, but before he even opened his mouth, you began to cough vigorously.

Your eyes went wide and you looked around for a bathroom while coughing with your mouth closed, attempting to keep the petals in your mouth. With time slowly running out as your mouth began to fill up with the petals and blood, you dropped to your knees and let out a forceful cough, the petals, and blood flowing onto the ground beneath you.

Soft, quiet gasps left the mouths of your friends as they watched you throw up the yellow carnation petals.

“Y/n…” Wanda whispered and dropped to her knees, rubbing your back soothingly. Once you were finished, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, slowly turning your head to look at Wanda. “Why… Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” You wanted to cry but your energy had abruptly left your body.

“I didn’t know how to.” Was all your said before closing your eyes, letting your body fall to the ground.

“Y/n!” Wanda and Sam shouted as  _they watched your body drop._

* * *

>  November 5th

“We need eyes in the air,” Steve said and you race around the collapsing building, moving people out of the way.

“My eyes are on the prize, Cap,” Tony said while he flew up towards the building and you snickered quietly. Steve rolled his eyes and Tony chuckled. “I could feel you rolling your eyes at me.”

“Yeah, well it’s hard not to when you’re–”

“Please, I need help!” A woman suddenly said, shooting out and grasping your arm tightly. “M-my daughter’s in there! You have to help her!” She wept and you nodded, giving the mother a small smile before pulling your arm away from her, and rushing into the building.

 _“NO! Y/N!_ ” Bucky’s voice pierced through the speaker and you yelped as the parts of the building began to fall onto the ground. You were quick to dodge them, but your concern was on the little girl.

Was she avoiding them? Was she okay?

“I got her, Mr. White Wolf, sir!” Peter said but you blocked him out, your soul mission was to get this girl out safely. But it seemed like fate had other plans.

There was an unexpected sharp burn in your chest and you stopped running, dropping onto the ground, clutching at your chest as you let out loud howls in agony.

 _“Y/N!_ ” Everyone shouted and you let out a cry before turning over and letting out a cruel cough, petals and blood coming up and out of your throat.

“Y/n…” Peter said as he kneeled next to you, picking you up bridal style as you heaved in pain.

“N-no! There-there’s a girl who needs m-my he-help,” You panted in pain, coughing up more petals as the vines seemly grew larger in your lungs.

“I’ll get her, Y/n, please… Just… don’t move.” Peter whispered as he set you into Bucky’s arms who was standing outside the building with the rest of the Avengers.

You were lucky,

 _You had dropped the petals right before you exited the building_.

* * *

> December 25th

_You were dying._  

That was how it was, and it seemed like the more you hung around the others, the more they were beginning to realize what was happening.

 _All besides Bucky_.

* * *

> January 3rd

It was an early Wednesday and you’ve coughed up 249yellow carnation flower petals. You were losing blood and  _fast_.

Tony had to keep you home from a two-day mission after passing out from losing so much blood while training with Steve and Wanda. You didn’t have enough energy to object as Tony and Bruce, and Steve set you up in a hospital bed with a bag of blood next to the bed, a tub connecting your arm to it.

“Now, if you need anything, ask Bruce, 'kay?” Tony said and bumped Bruce’s shoulder lightly. Bruce just smiled and nodded, scratching the back of his neck. “He’s at your beck and call, like a good little doggy.” You just smiled weakly and closed your eyes, breathing slowly.

“You okay?” Steve questioned, resting his hand on your knee. You opened your eyes and glanced over at him with a weak smile.

“Perfect, Stevie, couldn’t be-” You coughed up a petal. “better.” Tony looked down and Steve ripped his eyes away from yours. Bruce just tapped on the IV bag next to the blood bag and sighed.

“She’ll need another one.” He mumbled and walked out of the medical bay.

Suddenly Bucky marched in and your eyes widened as you threw a couple of flower petals beneath the bed.

“Buck,” You and Steve said at the same time in shock. You chuckled weakly and fought back a cough.

It was critical for your well-being to be around him.

“Buckaroo, you gotta go, it ain’t safe for you to be around her,” Tony said and gently pushed on his chest, attempting to get Bucky to leave.

“It’s not safe for me but it is for you?” Bucky snapped and looked at you then to Steve with pleading eyes. “Come on, Steve, you gotta tell me what’s wrong with her. Please, man, she’s one of my best friends.”

“She lost a lot of blood on a private mission Fury sent her on. That’s all I can tell you, Buck. I’m sorry.” Steve said softly and you knew it hurt him just as much as you to lie to him.

“Bullshit! She’s been coughing like this since fuckin’ August! I thought it was nothing because it was just small coughs but now every time I walk in the room, she ends up coughing and has one of you walking her out!” Bucky shouted and you closed your eyes, biting your trembling lip.

“Bucky, get out.  _Please_.” You whispered hoarsely and Bucky looked over at with wide eyes, betrayal swirling around in his dark blue orbs.

“Y/n…” He muttered before his gaze turned hard. “Fucking fine. You don’t wanna tell me? That’s  _fine_ with me! Sorry, I’m such a bad friend for actually giving a shit! Fuck you, Y/n! You never fucking talk to me anymore. What the hell happened to us?” Bucky snarled and you sat up with anger in your eyes, the emotion taking over you quickly. Steve and Tony noticed this and tried to gently push you back onto the hospital bed.

“No!  _Fuck you_ , Bucky!  _Fuck you_  for not noticing that  _I’m dying because of you!_ _Fuck you_  for being so fucking selfish and caught up in  _Nat’s goddamn ass_  to even realizing  _what’s happening_ to the people around you! Did you even notice Steve’s eyes? They have fucking dark circles because he hasn’t been sleeping! And Sam, did you notice he stopped calling me out on stupid shit and is actually more fucking careful about what he says around you! Or Tony, did you ever stop to notice him being by my side constantly?  _Huh_ ,  _Bucky_? Did you  _ever_ fucking stop to look and look at what’s happening around you? Because it sure doesn’t seem like it!” You screamed and Tony pushed you back onto the bed before Steve took you into his arms, hiding your face in his chest as you coughed.

Bucky was silent. He stared at you with wide eyes and an open mouth before turning and walking out the door.

“Running away from your problems, Bucky?! Where are you gonna go? Back to Nat?” You shouted from the med bay’s room as Bucky walked down the hall.

“Fuck you, Y/n. You don’t know shit.” He shouted back and you growled, coughing once more before opening your mouth to get the last word.

“No!  _You_ don’t know shit! Once you get your head out of yours and Nat’s ass, then come and talk to me. Until then, leave me the fuck alone.” You snarled and laid your head back against the pillow. “Fuck.” You muttered before coughing harder, blood coming up with some petals.

“ _FUCK_!”

* * *

> February 17th

You were a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

No one knew what was going to happen next.

Your body was slowly shutting down as you couldn’t walk anymore nor could you keep any food down without throwing it up.

_You were dying._

_'Bout time I accept it_. You thought as you laid in the hospital bed, clicking the 'next’ button on the tv remote.

You haven’t spoken to Bucky since your fight and surprisingly, it only made your condition worse. After your fight, you realized how much you loved him, even if he was an asshole for having his head up Nat’s ass all the time. You understood… Sorta… Kinda… Not really… Not at all…

Your body hurts, your head hurts, your heart hurts, your throat hurts, and your lungs hurt.

You hurt.

And it was making you tired.

You had such a hard time breathing on your own due to the flowers getting caught in your throat, they had to cut open your chest to implant a tub that connected to an oxygen tank.

It hurt.

_You were tired._

* * *

> March 5th

You were exhausted.

You were  _weak_.

You did nothing but bring worry and pain to the people around you and it hurt. You weren’t getting better. Not at all.

Steve told you that Bucky left with Nat a month ago for some bullshit mission and had yet to come back. He told you not to worry because they did call in once a week to let the team know they were still alive.

It hurt.

You weren’t getting better and it hurt.

You were tired of seeing white walls when waking up, you asked to be moved back to your room that way, if you were to die, you’d die in a comfortable place.

Your e/c orbs looked over at your nightstand, and you reached over and grabbed your phone. You typed in your mom’s number before pressing the 'call’ button.

“Hello?” Your mom’s voice was tired and scratchy and you looked over at your alarm clock, cursing at yourself for calling your mom at midnight when you knew she liked to get to bed early.

“Hey, Mom.” You said and cleared your throat, trying not to cough. “I miss you.” A happy sigh was heard from the other line.

“Y/n, hi baby. I miss you too. Howsa’ goin’? You doin’ okay?” She asked and you smiled to yourself.

“That’s what I wanna talk to you about… I’m gonna ask Tony to get you a plane ticket to come here. I need to see you if that’s okay.” You spoke into the phone softly and you heard soft rustling from the other side.

“Sure, sweetheart. Any reason as to why?” Your mother’s gentle voice caused you to clench your eyes shut while holding in a cough.

“Mom… I’m dying.” You whispered quietly and your mom went silent.

“Y/n, that’s not a joke, baby.” She said after a few seconds of silence.

“I’m not joking, Mom. I-I… You know about the Hanahaki disease, right? Well… I hav-” A sharp cry cut you off as your mom began sobbing into the phone.

“Y/N!” She sobbed and your eyes welled up with tears. “Ho-How?!”

“I’m sorry, mama,” You cried into your free hand. “I’m sorry I let it get to this.”

“Take the surgery! Do the- do the surgery!” She shouted into the phone and you heard her let out more sobs. “Please, Y/n, baby, I can’t- You can’t leave me. Not yet, sweetheart. W-what happened to our p-plans? Yo-you remember? T-The ones y-you made up when you tu-turned 18?” She stuttered into the phone which only made you cry harder.

“I can’t get it. It’s too late. The vines have spread to my heart and  _I’m days away from dying_. They said that if they were to take it out, it would only cause my heart stress which would end up to my death hours later.” You explained, hiccuping quietly.

Your mom was silent then you heard what sounded like a suitcase being zipped up.

“Order the ticket for me, baby. Right now.” Your mother said sternly and you let out a faint hum before putting her on speaker, then you exited out of the phone app to go to the google to order the ticket.

“I’m sorry, mama.” You said softly. “I didn’t-”

“It’s okay, baby. Mommy forgives you, okay? Mommy forgives you.” She cooed softly as if you were still the six-year-old child who cried every time you got yelled at.

You let out another sob, this time louder.

“I’m  _so sorry_ , Mom.”

You were tired and sorry.

_And that hurt._

* * *

> April 15th

Your mom had decided to stay with you, that way, if you died, she’d be there.

She helped you with everything, and while this would have normally made you angry, you understood it and wanted her to be with you while you were weak and vulnerable. Better her than someone else.

You told her about the disease and about who you were in love with.

Your mom threatened to beat Bucky for not noticing. Speaking of Bucky, he came back.

The team celebrated the defeat of HYDRA which was the couple’s mission, all while you stayed back with your mom, eating ice cream while watching bad horror movies on Netflix out in your small living room.

But then, you were suddenly coughing.

This time, it was worse than ever before.

Blood was coming out of the tube that was lodged in your chest, your lungs now filled up completely with blood and petals. Not only was there blood coming out of the tube, but it came out of your mouth and nose.

Your body didn’t know what to do with the excess blood.

Time went in slow motion as you brought a hand up to the tub and the other to your mouth and nose. You watched your mom scream while moving to your side to press the small red button that was placed on a bracelet Tony had made, in case something like this was to happen.

You blinked slowly and watched, again in slow motion, as your room began to be flooded by your worried teammates. Even Bucky came in.

Suddenly, time went back to normal as screams filled your ears.

“Fuck! Y/n,  _hang on for me!_ ” Tony shouted while Steve picked you up and brought you to your room. You then heard Bucky yell at Steve.

“What the fuck?! Why aren’t you bringing her to the hospital?!” Bucky screamed and watched his best friend lay your bloodied body on the bed.

Your mom’s cries echoed throughout your head and you turned your head to the side to look at her. A soft smile appeared on your face and she cried harder once you reached your hand out for her to grab with her own.

“Y/n, baby, please don’t leave me. I need you.” She sobbed as she held your hand. You began gasping for air, only to have more blood rush out of your throat and spill onto your chest. You were wheezing heavily while looking over at Tony and Steve.

No words needed to be said as your eyes told them all they needed to know.

_Thank you_

Tears began falling from their eyes as Bucky began pacing in front of your bed. Your mom looked over at him and snarled.

“This is all  _your_ fault!” She shouted, her grip on your hand tightening. She used her free hand to point at Bucky. “If it wasn’t for  _you_ , my baby girl wouldn’t be in this mess!” Bucky turned to look at her before looking at you, then he looked at Steve and Tony, realization in his eyes.

He understood.

_This was his fault. He was the reason you were dying._

_You_ fell in love with him and now  _you_ have to suffer from the consequences.

His mouth opened as if he was going to say something but a loud gasp interrupted him.

You reached your hand out to Tony and Steve, both of them holding onto a finger on your right hand. You then looked over at your mom while you heaved, blood falling from your blood-stained lips.

’ _I love you_ ,’ You mouthed and she let out deafening sobs, you then looked over at Bucky who had tears running down his face.  _'It’s okay_. _’_ You mouthed and closed your eyes slowly, the room goes silent.

All that was heard was your faint wheezing.

Then, it stopped and your chest stopped moving, your grip on your mom’s, Tony’s, and Steve’s hands loosening.

Your mom grabbed your shoulders and held your bloodied body against her chest as your team-mates stared down at your lifeless form with dark, dead eyes.

* * *

 On April 15, 2019, at 12:29 pm,  _your mom lost her only child_.

On April 15, 2019, at 12:29 pm, _Bucky, Steve, and Tony lost their best friend_.

On April 15, 2019, at 12:29 pm, _the world lost an Avenger_.

On April 15, 2019, at 12:29 pm,  _the Avengers lost a family member._

On April 15, 2019, at 12:29 pm,  _you finally stopped hurting._

On April 15, 2019, 12:29 pm,  _Y/n L/n died from the Hanahaki disease._

**Author's Note:**

> The Yellow Carnation Flower means: rejection and disappointment.


End file.
